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by Brandon Gardner

Hi everybody! I’m back on twitter after a little break. My first novel, “I Think My Boyfriend is an Android” is looking for an agent/ publisher!

9:27 AM 3/22/2020 3 Likes


Replying to @ChrissyTiegen Sounds delicious!

4:40 PM 3/24/2020


Just had Cool Ranch Doritos for the first time in YEARS and ate HALF THE BAG. Keep them away from me!

3:12 PM 4/02/2020

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Just finished the first chapter of my new book!!!

11:27AM 4/03/2020 3 Likes


Replying to @realDonaldTrump THIS GUY IS DELUSIONAL! #BIDEN2020

9:12 AM. 04/05/2020 1 Comment 1 Retweet. 3 Likes _______________________________________________________

My favorite part of having a five year-old is when she starts screaming in the grocery store because I won’t buy her gum.” #NOT #MOMLIFE

11:32 AM 4/07/2020

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Hello new followers!

9:14 PM 4/07/2020

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One of the things I love about writing YA Sci-Fi is dreaming up new worlds to live in for awhile!

9:04 PM 4/10/2020

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Replying to @NaomiJKrueger -Traveled to 2 new countries -Finished first novel (At age 41!) -Major progress w long-term mental health issues


8:35 PM 4/13/2020

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Just finished the second chapter of my new book! I can’t wait to share this story with you all!

3:56 PM 5/05/2020

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Husband and I finally gave in and started watching Tiger King - INSANE!

8:33 PM 5/05/2020



I want to write a character as incredible and complicated as Joe Exotic! #WriterGoals #TigerKing

9:17 PM 5/07/2020 1 Like


Twitter is HARD.

7:18 AM 5/11/2020 3 Likes


Replying to @annasproul Thank you for these words of wisdom! Essential info for a pre-published author!

3:08 PM 5/13/2020

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Is anyone else tired ALL THE TIME?

2:11 PM 05/18/20

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Me every morning: Tonight I will not fall asleep scrolling through twitter. Me every night: Well, maybe just a peek...

10:13 PM 5/27/2020 3 Likes


This should be obvious but, BLACK LIVES MATTER!!!

4:12 PM 6/02/2020 4 Likes

_______________________________________________________ Which waffle maker do you love? Looking for something relatively compact with easy clean up!

11:42 PM 6/04/2020

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Replying to @jk_rowling As a mother and a fan I am very disappointed. As an author, I’m proud that one of the central characters in my novel is trans and SHE is too cool to care about what you think.

11:26 AM 6/06/2020 1 comment 6 Likes


My husband’s idea of romance is letting me pick the TV show. #WorksForMe #MaskedSinger

9:01 PM 6/26/2020

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Does anyone know which literary contests are legit? Want to find an agent but don’t want to get SCAMMED.

10:15 AM 6/28/2020 1 Like


Every time I think Trump couldn’t be any more terrible...

11:38 PM 6/28/2020 1 Comment 1 Retweet 5 Likes


RIP Carl Reiner. I remember him from Dick Van Dyke show!

4:36PM 6/30/2020

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Has the pandemic affected how time works? This week has felt like 2,000 years.

11:39 PM 7/22/2020

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They say it’s about talent and handwork but it’s IMPOSSIBLE to break into this industry unless you have CONNECTIONS. Thinking about giving up.

11:53 PM 8/07/2020 1 Comment 2 Likes


Me: Bullies are mean because they’re scared. My Five-Year Old: Trump must be really scared then.

7:50PM 8/20/2020 189 Retweets 117 Quote Tweets 12.3K Likes _______________________________________________________

Replying to @DanaDiT OMG! Woke up to more than 9K likes! Thank you for all the retweets!

7:03 AM 8/21/2020 58 Likes


Replying to @DanaDiT I am an up and coming YA writer. If you are a literary agent please DM me!

9:03 AM 8/21/2020 58 Likes


Every time I get groceries a bag of Cool Ranch Doritos mysteriously ends up in my cart. Shrug.

6:04 PM 8/23/2020 16 Retweets 6 Quote Tweets 3,807 Likes _______________________________________________________

Me: Masks keep us safe and the people around us. My 5-Year Old Hailey: Then why doesn’t everyone wear them?

7:21 PM 8/26/2020 46 Retweets 38 Quote Tweets 833 Likes _______________________________________________________

After a long day I love to take a bath and read a good book! What do you like to do to relax?

7:21 PM 8/27/2020 6 Retweets 16 Quote Tweets 93 Likes _______________________________________________________

My 5 Year-Old: I have a tummy ache. Me: Did you eat too much ice cream? My 5 Year-Old : I think I’m just stressed about Trump

9:38 PM 8/27/2020 107 Retweets 58 Quote Tweets 15.4K Likes _______________________________________________________

Replying to @MidwestMoms Thank you!!! HUMBLED to be included on your list of top ten political moms!

11:06 AM 8/28/2020 7 Retweets 18 Quote Tweets 688 Likes _______________________________________________________

HUGE NEWS! A LITERARY AGENT just asked me to email him!

11:43 AM 8/30/2020 12 Comments 238 Likes


In response to some of the comments, YES my daughter is five - six in September! She’s always been very verbal! (Takes after her Mom!)

7:07 PM 8/30/2020

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Watching Aladdin w/ 5-year old: Hailey: Is Jafar bad? Me: Yes. Hailey: As bad as Trump?

9:23PM 9/01/2020 60 Retweets. 433 Quote Tweets 4,877 Likes _______________________________________________________

You’d think that with the BILLIONS @zoom_us is making exploiting a pandemic they’d have better customer service. My zoom hasn’t worked for two days and I have yet to talk to a LIVE HUMAN BEING.

3:18 PM 9/02/2020 1 Comment 22 Likes


@replying to @zoom_us That fixed it!!! Thanks!

3:44 PM 9/02/20202

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Me: Hate is a strong word. My Five-Year Old: You hate Trump. Me. ... My Five-Year Old: (smiles) I hate him too.

9:28PM 9/09/2020 96 Retweets 884 Quote Tweets 6,290 Likes _______________________________________________________

I’m not sure who needs to hear this but... BLACK LIVES MATTER.

9:28PM 9/13/2020 12 Retweets 71 Quote Tweets 1,245 Likes _______________________________________________________

Me: I’m sorry you couldn’t invite friends over for your bday this year. My SIX Year-Old: It’s okay. It wouldn’t be responsible. Why does a child understand this and so many adults don’t?!

9:23PM 9/14/2020 318 Retweets 446 Quote Tweets 12.1K Likes _______________________________________________________

VERY excited to announce I will soon be a published author! “Is Your President Smarter than a 6-Year Old? Progressive Wisdom from the Mind of a First Grader” will be in book stores by Christmas!

2:11 PM 9/17/2020 3 Retweets 26 Quote Tweets 2,288 Likes _______________________________________________________

Planning my dream vacation! Can anyone recommend any resorts in Hawaii?

8:11 PM 9/17/2020

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Hailey: Mom, why are you crying? Me: A great woman died. Hailey(Gives me a hug): Don’t mourn her death, Mommy. Celebrate her life. #RBG.

5:51 PM 9/19/2020 401 Retweets 88K Quote Tweets 798 Likes _______________________________________________________

Such a mean and cynical response to a nice moment I had with my daughter! If you can’t accept that a young girl can be smart and sensitive then I’m sorry for you.

11:49PM 9/19/2020 13 Retweets 849 Quote Tweets 77 Likes _______________________________________________________

Disgusted by the cynicism! My daughter is 100 PERCENT REAL. I don’t post pics or videos to protect her privacy!

1:08 AM 9/20/2020 2 Retweets 158 Quote Tweets 37 Likes _______________________________________________________

You’d think the NY Times would have more important things to write about but I’ll take the free publicity! [Shrug Emoji]

9:03 AM 9/21/2020 1 Retweet 103 Quote Tweets 68 Likes _______________________________________________________

A sincere THANK YOU for all the incredible support. It means so much.

11:40 AM 9/22/2020 4 Retweets 175 Quote Tweets 108 Likes _______________________________________________________

Me: What do you want for Christmas this year? My Six-Year Old: A new President.

8:40 PM 9/22/2020 51 Retweets 377 Quote Tweets 876 Likes


Replying to @NeilB4Me My daughter actually has a wonderful life! It’s clear by your pathetic comments that you do not!

11:11 PM 9/22/2020 2 Retweets 14 Quote Tweets 98 Likes _______________________________________________________

Replying to @NeilB4Me Five years ago I tried. Luckily I wasn’t successful and was able to get therapy and medication. I hope you do the same!

11:16 PM 9/22/2020 2 Retweets 15 Quote Tweets 35 Likes _______________________________________________________

Replying to @NeilB4Me At least I’m not (judging from your picture) 50lbs + overweight!

1:39 AM PM 9/23/2020

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Twitter should have a feature where it automatically shuts off at midnight!

7:08 AM PM 9/23/2020 15 Retweets 32 Quote Tweets 854 Likes _______________________________________________________

I don’t think a lot of you realize that your casual cruelty on here has real life CONSEQUENCES. #CancelCulture

8:59 PM 9/23/2020 1 Retweet 18 Quote Tweets 13 Likes _______________________________________________________

“In the end we will not remember the words of our enemies but the SILENCE of our friends.” - Dr. Martin Luther King Jr.

1:09 AM 9/24/2020 1 Retweet 8 Quote Tweets 19 Likes _______________________________________________________

My 6 Year-Old: Are people on twitter mad at me? (Gives her big hug) Me: No honey. They’re mad at life.

3:03 AM 9/24/2020 3 Comments 4 Quote Tweets 5 Likes _______________________________________________________

This is Dana’s husband Tim. She wanted me to let you know she’s taking a little break from twitter to recharge!

2:16 PM. 9/28/2020

2 Comments 3 Likes _______________________________________________________ These Tweets are protected Only approved followers can see @DanaDiT’s Tweets. To request access, click Follow.


BRANDON GARDNER is an actor and writer. He has spent the last twelve years performing and teaching improv in NY and LA. DAVID, a short film he co-wrote with Zach Woods, is an Official Selection of the 2020 Cannes Film Festival. He currently lives in Los Angeles with his wife and daughter.

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